My Guilt
Ok! So a few months ago, I was asked to go on a business retreat to the beautiful Menorca, Spain.
I immediately jumped at the opportunity! I have been waiting so long for a “Rediscovery” trip. I longed for this and I absolutely needed this for me. What a way to continue to put in place all the things I had been working on!
I needed self care. I needed to fill my tank up so I can be the best I can be for those that need me the most.
Hell Yes…I am going! But wait…I have to discuss this with my spouse. Although, I know this is what I need for me, will he understand that?
Will he understand my:
Past Struggles
My Pain
My needs
Will he see my:
Progress
My Strength
My Growth
You see the old me would not have even considered this trip.
If you are wondering why, well let me tell you why. I would have talked myself out of it. I would have told myself that I was not worthy, that my children needed me, that I couldn’t leave my spouse alone to deal with any of the daily running around that we do.
NOT THIS TIME!
I need this! I need this for me!
I have come so far! I have grown so much! I am sooooo proud of myself and I want this!
The conversation was had! I communicated the importance of what this meant to me and what it would mean if I did not go on this trip. This was not a one day conversation ( It definitely took a few). Overall, my spouse understood what I needed to continue my journey to Rediscovery.
So then came the conversation with the kids!
I explained to them that mommy would be leaving and that this is what mommy needed in order to be better not only for myself, but for them as well!
I’m not sure if they truly understood the nature of it all, but they supported me to the fullest!
IT’S GO TIME
It was finally the big day!
The day I have dreamed about, The day I have longed for my whole life. I finally get to travel and see the parts of the world I wanted to see. Relax, breathe, and be at one with who I was meant to be.
Instead of feeling excited…I felt:
Scared
Nervous
Guilty
Selfish
Worried
As much as I needed this trip, I felt this way!
Like how and why!
How can I possibly be feeling this way if I know and have lived through all the bullshit? All the countless days of pain, stress, depression, and anxiety.
The countless days of running around with the kids as they make it to their various practice locations!
Nope Nope Nope!
I will not talk myself out of this! I am going on this trip!
I need this for me.
My day of departure was full of tears and fear, but I got on that plane!
Cheers to me becoming an even better version of Me!