Why is my Child Different?
The worry, the guilt, the fear; these are all things I felt when I had my son at 21 years old. I was so unsure of how to be a mother. So far from home, so far from my mom, but determined to make it on my own and break the cycle. As we began raising my son, we noticed he was not like other children his age. He was always delayed or behind the curve. My son walked late and was not talking at the age of 3. When he did begin to speak, he stuttered terribly.
By 2nd grade, he was unable to focus in class. That is when we began numerous testing to determine what the cause may be. He was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Which then brought on the decision: to medicate or not to medicate. I struggled for years utilizing all the natural remedies we could think of, unfortunately nothing worked so I had to revisit the idea of medication. Finding the right medication was a struggle.
For many years, I blamed myself for my son’s development.
Did I not pay enough attention to him?
Was I grinding so hard that I missed something?
“The worry, the guilt, the fear”
Is his developmental issues due to my delivery? After all, the umbilical cord was wrapped around his neck at childbirth and he did have difficulty breathing on his own.
I questioned my parenting. I played back everything. I compared my child to other children and their milestones.
Why is my chilD different?
He was and is so different because he was born that way! My job as his mother was not/is not to compare him to other children around his age, to not doubt everything I have ever done as his mother, and not to make him feel any type of way for being different.
My job as his mother is to adapt and to overcome. To develop tricks and hacks that will help him become successful and function in a school environment.
He may have started talking late, but he can talk! (You cannot even tell he used to stutter)
He may have started walking late, but he started walking.
He may use to read below grade level, but now we are right where we need to be.
He takes medication, something we had to overcome, but it is working for him.
We may color code notebooks, strategize seating in the classroom, and develop different strategies for test-taking, but we do what we have to do to make it work for him.
Being a mother can be so stressful; sometimes it feels like we are carrying the weight of everyone on our shoulders. We want everything to be perfect! We want our kids to be perfect…maybe it's not that we want them to be perfect, but we don’t want the ways of the cruel world to affect them.
Being a mother is something that I cherish the most and most of my life lessons have come from being a mother. I have learned that there is no manual! Your way is not like hers, hers, or hers…that’s because it is your way. I cannot and will not compare myself to anybody else. It just doesn’t make sense.
We do not have all the answers and that’s ok! Remember that we are never given more than we can bear!
“For many years, I blamed myself for my son’s development”
Love your children, take care of your children, and give them all the tools so that they can manage in a world without you. Let them know that it is ok to be different, that it makes them unique. My son may have to work 10 times harder than the average student just to be on grade level and that is ok. He now knows how to navigate in order to be successful.
Do not question your abilities and do not feel any guilt!