Deployment Life! Let me tell you guys the military lifestyle is not for the light-hearted. My husband and I are dual military and it is seriously constant sacrifice. Through all the back and forth and training (TDY) I will tell you that it doesn’t get easier, despite what you may think.

This previous deployment, as I knew it was important for my husband, definitely tested our patience, marriage, and love for one another. My husband was protecting our country and I was busy trying to hold the house down as we awaited his return. That sounds simple right? We both understood our roles and the number one goal was to just get back to each other.

Wrong! It was definitely a struggle of emotions, communication, and understanding! In the beginning, I expected my husband to understand exactly what I was feeling without exactly communicating it with him. I thought:

Babes, you should know what I am doing, I am running around with the kids trying to get them to their extracurricular activities.

Stop asking the same questions, Yes I love you!

Babes, the time difference is crazy, I am tired, like how do you not understand that?

I was feeling:

Exhausted

Overly Stressed

Overworked

Lonely

Angry

Frustrated

And I expected my husband to understand all of this! Duh! No one is having fun without you, we are just trying to make it; surviving!

My husband felt:

Sad

Forgotten

And Dead…

He said being deployed was like dying, people remember you, they don’t forget about you, but they keep living without you.

My husband came home to different children. All with new personalities and likes. He came home to a new wife! I had definitely gone through my healing process during this time and I knew I was definitely not the same woman I was prior to him leaving.

The same goes for my husband’s return. He experienced some things overseas that I did not know or understand.

Here we are… two people who love each other, miss each other, but it's like we don’t know each other. Each of us was trying to figure it out step by step, one day at a time. At times, I wasn’t sure what was going on and I didn’t know who this person was in front of me that returned home. I believe the same thing was true for him too. He didn’t know who I was and for the first time in our marriage I KNEW who I was! (That’s important y'all)

At times you can find yourself going through the motions of a marriage and not even know who the hell you are! Going through shit and not really processing what the hell you are going through. That was the old Chi Quita...now I have grown into The Chi Quita Mack! I knew through it all, we have such a strong foundation and we have been through so much! It was time to begin working through the last 2 years we were apart from one another.

THE WORK

The work after the deployment is not easy. It takes love, commitment, therapy, and understanding from both parties. Here are a few tips:

Communicate
Share your feelings ( Before, During, and After the Deployment)
Identify your needs
Learn the meaning of a transition
Stay committed
Remember to take it one day at a time
Seek Therapy ( Do not be ashamed to ask for help)

“At times you can find yourself going through the motions of a marriage and not even know who the hell you are!”

I would say that the same thing goes during the deployment too!

At times I felt that I was just holding on by a thread, but I do think I would have benefited talking to a professional about the transition of being alone for 2 years and continuing the work of a 2 parent home. Also just being able to process those days when I just felt angry, but could not clearly identify the root cause of it all!

I am always an advocate of seeking therapy!

To My Military Families

I know that the military life is not easy! Ensure that you have a support system and remember to support each other through all the transitions and life changing decisions we make each and every day!

I am proud of each and everyone of you!